11.5.15

Talking about sex and sexuality in school and at home

I grew up sensing that sex is not a topic of discussion. A tension between fascination and secrecy surrounded any mention of words related to sex. More than shame, embarrassment was the basic reaction I remember noticing around me. You just don't talk about it.

When I was in grade 4 the nurse came to talk with us about puberty. The most that she managed was to ask the class to be quiet and listen. The content of her talk has never registered in my memory. Kids around me were giggling and poking each other. I remember myself as a naive and curious boy. I wanted to hear a bit about this process that I already started to feel happening in me. The nurse never covered any topic of significance. If anything, she might have been just as nervous as the rest of my class.

My only claim to knowing better than when I was in grade 4 is having a grade 5 daughter. When she told me about the nurse that was about to talk with them about puberty, I thought "What is it about that poor nurse having to talk with kids in school about sex?".

There seems to be a social cloudiness surrounding issues of body, sex and sexuality. Talking about our intimate body areas involves … intimacy; the emotional journey our kids are going through or are about to go through is different with every kid and family; the availability of information today is both a blessing and a risk. In light of the layered difficulties surrounding the topic, the formal delivery of education relating to sex and sexuality is probably not enough. It's not that I have anything against the nurse talking with kids about puberty. From the handout I saw, it all looked pretty useful.

Then it struck me. Sex is fun. Sexuality is all about life. The school nurse usually deals with injuries and emergency. This ties too well with the apparent difficulty we have in society to discuss the intimate issues of life. I think we are capable of delivering a much more positive message to the audience we care most about.

We don't have to force that message upon them. Usually kids don't talk or don't want to talk much about what's going on in school. But when they do try to engage in conversation it looks to me like a good idea to be prepared. A workshop with a professional sex educator is one way of having a healthy discussion that can also be fun. We all have different ways of raising kids. We all have questions and advice. But when it comes to sex, a professional educator can help in dissolving the cloud surrounding this topic. The workshop is a stepping stone in a journey that can be exploratory yet safe.

How much practice does any of us have in life to talk about sex in a serious yet fun way? A sex educator has exposure to the experiences of many people. This exposure allows for uniquely individual questions to be addressed based on the wealth of a broad reference.

As I was thinking of raising the issue at our PAC meeting, a quick search resulted in a variety of options. There are many books out there and also web pages that provide reviews of such books. When I typed 'sex educators BC' I didn't have to sift through endless porn sites as I had anticipated.  But then, as the days went by, "my topic" became a news item. One weekend I read an article by an awarded journalist. The next weekend covered the Ontario clash around the new Sex Ed curriculum.

Here in BC, there are already calls to revisit and possibly review it. But until that happens, parents of kids who are currently in elementary school need more immediate solutions. We can employ available resources as a group for the benefit of our own family as well as society at large.

Instead of worrying, I observe life as it presents itself to me. My own past is merely a reference point. When it comes to providing a healthy launching pad for my daughter, my observations turn into insights and guidance. Our school and its PAC provide an extended opportunity to nurture a broader connection. That connection itself provides the base for the healthy sex ed we are all hoping for. 

The books we have at home:
  

From the Media:
Why improve rant (Elizabeth Renzetti)
My sexual education (Sierra Skye Gemma)

Ontario Sex Ed (Globe&Mail Editorial)
Comparison between provinces (Global News)
Improve teache training (Globe&Mail)

Videos for discussion at a future PAC meeting:
Marnie Goldenberg (< Click to reach website):

Saleema Noon (< Click to reach website):

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